How to treat a woman
by Lauriesf
Summary: What happens when Jack accidentally meets Pete? And the winner is...!


SG1 – How to treat a woman

_What happens when Jack accidentally meets Pete? And the winner is...!_

Jack had parked in front of Major Carter's house at almost the same time as Pete. The latter was busy getting things out of his trunk which gave O'Neill enough time to ponder his next move.

Man! That was awkward! He knew Pete existed, had even talked about him with his 2IC a couple of times, but seeing him in front of her house with a bouquet of red roses and what seemed like a box of chocolates was a very different matter... Wait! Red roses and chocolates! As if! Carter was so past those clichés... Hell, he thought, she's not some stupid chick you treat to a few stereotypes and get away with it! Come on, not Carter! Not my Carter, he added to himself then shook his head. Now, those thoughts were really not getting him anywhere. He had to cool off and get his thoughts back on the right track.

He was there to tell her some of the guys from SG7 and 3 had just returned from a successful mission and were in the mood to celebrate. They'd invited Jack and his team to come and join them at O'Malley's. You couldn't say no to that, right? Good food, good beer and good people! He'd said "you betcha, we're all coming" then he'd told Danny Boy and Teal'c to go ahead and that he'd get Carter. So here he was, except on seeing Pete, he'd just realized she might have a date with Spud Head. Oh, God, he thought. Here we go again! I didn't mean that, really, he silently apologized to Carter's boyfriend. It just kind of slipped my mind... Oops! I guess that couldn't be helped, right? He winced, clearly embarrassed. But still... He'd always been told to always, always tell the truth and truth was, the guy really had a potato head. How could she fancy him? That was a mystery yet to be solved! Yeah! Those braniacs could sometimes have the weirdest tastes... For Christ's sake, she could have anyone she wanted.

No, no, no, O'Neill, focus, will ya'? You're here on a mission. Just tell her what you must and then let her choose. If she's got a date and it feels important to her, she'll tell you. She's off duty. She gets to choose what she wants to do. But, wait. Maybe the guy has come here unannounced. Maybe she doesn't even know she has a date with him. Anyway, he looks so boring and clumsy with his bouquet of stupid flowers, you don't even have to say a thing. She'll bless you for coming at the right moment and rescuing her from such a dull and uninteresting evening. Yes, that's it, airman, just show up and you'll be her white knight! Hum, hum, ok, Jack, now, be a good boy and concentrate on the here and now.

While he was woolgathering, Pete had walked up the driveway and rung the doorbell to her house with a smug grin plastered on his face. She opened the door to the flowers because really, that was all she could see from her perspective: two dozen roses and a hand holding them up in her face.

"Ah, Pete, what are you doing on my doorstep? Didn't I tell you I didn't wanna go out tonight? Have some housework and stuff to catch up with..." She said before he could speak.

"Yes, yes, I know, but I thought, hell, she's so gonna love to be surprised!" He answered, thrusting the bouquet and box of chocolates in her arms. "Now, don't thank me. These are just tiny tokens of my affection." He added before she could say a word, cocking his head to the side and confidently grinning at her.

She was fumbling for words. What do you tell a guy who's got it all wrong, so wrong he doesn't even realize he's acting like an ass and making himself ridiculous – again...

"Hum, listen, Pete..." She cleared her throat, trying to shake the embarrassment he made her feel at having to tell him that this was definitely not what she wanted. He could be so dumb sometimes... How could she coin her words so that he might finally understand this was not the way to act around her.

Her unmistakable CO's voice suddenly rang in Pete's back. "Hey, Carter! Got a minute?" Bless him, she thought. He's always right on time in every fishy situation I might get into, she reflected. Be it off world or here, he always knows when I need him. Her scowl turned into a broad smile as Pete turned around to face Jack.

"Oh, hello, Colonel. I'm sorry you arrive at the wrong time. Sam and I were leaving. I'm taking her to dinner, see." His confident grin had not left him – yet, thought, Jack – and that really pissed him off. The cheek of this guy! How could he not realize he was making a total fool of himself and embarrassing Sam in the process? The guy really was clueless.

"Well, actually, Pete," he answered him, lifting his eyebrows expectantly at Carter over Pete's head, "I came here for the same reason, see." He copied him. "I might not have beautiful red roses to offer – which incidentally she told me once she felt was very presumptuous of a man to offer – but to forward to her an invitation from the guys to have a nice cozy evening of beer, hamburgers, darts and pool at our favorite haunt... What do you say, Major?"

" You play pool, Sam?" Pete was nonplussed.

"Well, yeah, and darts too, and she also beats us all every single time," Jack answered, bowing to her as if in front of a goddess, then winking at her, "and a lot of other things you might learn someday if you care to ask... Hey, you can even ask me. I've known her like the back of my hand for years, buddy!"

Sam was trying to suppress a fit of laughter that was threatening to break through her dam of patience any second. She coughed then turned to Pete. "Listen, that was very nice of you to think I should have a night out. Thinking about it, you might be right after all," on which he regained the grin he'd lost when chided by O'Neill, " but right now, I can't say no to the guys. See, it's an airman thing. We never say no to a night at O'Malley's. And before you asked, no, Pete, you cannot come. Since we talk about our missions and it's very confidential, the Colonel would have to kill you after that." She bantered, grabbing her jacket and closing the door after dropping his flowers and chocolates on the table. "I'll make it up to you soon," she added, as an afterthought, already opening the door to the passenger's seat of O'Neill's truck. She waved to him as Jack drove away then started giggling. "I owe you one, Sir." She turned to Jack who was trying to keep a straight face. He stopped at a red light and turning to her, he looked into her eyes and then, not caring to keep up appearances, burst out laughing, sending her too into a peel of laughter a couple of seconds later. They were the last ones to arrive at the bar. They were both handed a beer as they sat next to one another. "We're taking turns proposing toasts, Jack," Daniel said. "Your turn!"

Jack turned to Sam and said: "What do you think of toasting to all those guys out there who offer red roses and chocolate boxes?" She nodded, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "And to men who know how to treat a woman decently, Sir," she added, clicking her glass with his, her big blue eyes locked with his, a broad smile on her face.


End file.
